Monday, 21 May 2012

EPISODE 55: IN WHICH THE AUTHOR REMEMBERS BEING 14 AND DECIDES HE HASN'T CHANGED MUCH


Welcome to my blog which has purpose if not direction.

Forty-four years ago, almost to the day, I was put on a train in London and despatched to Llandudno junction. I was fifteen and had just been expelled from my grammar school for reasons which I’ve explained before. I don’t remember exactly what I felt that day but generally at that time I was miserable because I was discovering the joys of falling in love with numerous girls while being too shy to be proactive. I do recall the book I was reading, ‘War and Peace’. I was a quick reader and it was a long journey. Russian novels were my staple, primarily because they were the longest books in the library. ‘War and Peace’ became my favourite book of all time, so I when I wrote to Louis Berniers to compare his ‘Bird Without Wings’ to Tolstoy, it was the highest praise I could give it.

My Welsh sojourn lasted maybe 3 months, from May 11th 1968 to the end of July, by when I’d finished taking my ‘O’ Levels. After countless years of trauma and trouble with the Jesuits and the demands of the catholic religion, ‘Hen Ysgol’ in Talsanau, near Penrhyndeudreath, was an oasis of peace and freedom.

I think there were very few of us there; less than twenty I’d say. The only person I remember was a local girl called Rhianna who I met at local cafĂ© in Penrhyndeudreath that had a jukebox on which I’d repetitively play ‘Child of the Moon’ by the Rolling Stones, ‘Young Girl’ by Gary Puckett and ‘Honey’ by Bobby Goldsborough, (a sickly song about death). After the few tutorials of the day, I’d get on my bike and ride down to the village for cups of tea and a look at the girls. The freedom was extraordinary. On Catholic holidays I was given the whole day off, so I’d cycle to the beaches at Harlech and Portmadog and relax by the sea, safe in the knowing that no-one would ask me if I had actually been to Mass.

For a romantic country-loving boy, the environment was perfect. I loved wondering off in the hills, disclaiming to the sheep and discovering empty spaces inside myself. One day, a friend and I, (I recall he was Lebanese) ‘discovered’ Port Merion, the extraordinary village designed by Clough Williams-Ellis and later used in ‘The Prisoner’. To stumble on such a place unwittingly was a delight and, in the modern parlance, awesome.

I didn’t do particularly well in my exams apart from passing French. This was managed mainly because my French teacher told me all the answers and when we had an oral exam she spoke to me in an English accent so that I could understand what she was saying. After years of abuse from teachers, that act of kindness was of particular note.

At the end of July I went back to Surrey and in September 1968 was accepted back by Wimbledon College who then had me for another term before expelling me for a second time.
***
Last week I read ‘The War of Women’ by Dumas. I read it because I’ve decided it is too long since I addressed the classics. The local library isn’t that strong on books and the classics section is tiny and consists mainly of Dickens, Trollope and Thackery, all of which I have read. (In fact I haven’t read much Dickens. My father used to have the complete works and whenever I looked at them they oozed boredom. I know I’ve actually enjoyed them in the past but the reluctance remains.

The Dumas tale was brilliantly written. Although neither the story nor the characters were in themselves of any great interest to me, it is a rollicking read, full of good dialogue and pace. Most of my reading takes place in the bath at night. This week I’ve been in there for an hour a night, a hundred pages or so and I relearned that one of the reasons these authors’ books are ‘classics’ is because they are so damn well written.

I returned to the library today with the hope of finding ‘War and Peace’ or any of the classic Russian authors but had no luck. A choice of Martin Chuzzlewit, Moby Dick or G.K. Chesterton sent me home empty handed.

By some strange coincidence, the very day I was recalling Tolstoy’s Katya and Natasha, I received an email from a woman in Arkhangelsk in Northern Russia called Mariya. She is 25 and says she is a trainee dentist who is about to be sent to the UK for a month for special training sponsored by a scholarship. So far, so good. She’s contacted me because she likes the look of my profile.

 
What profile?

 I’m not aware of having one. Did she mean my facebook page? She included a rather pretty headshot of herself. I responded with a polite ‘I think you’ve made a mistake’ only to receive back an email with my own photo attached together with six pictures of her and a quite passionate letter asking ‘for your friendship at least’. In the pictures she is depicted either in short skirts or nighties and in the letter she confesses that she works as a stripper but ‘would never sell my body for sex.’  Of course I am assuming that there is some scam going on but so far can’t guess what the point of it is. My ignoring of this letter was followed by a third one from her, repeating much the same story and adding five nude pictures of herself. She signs herself ‘your passionate tigress’ and begs me to meet her when she reaches the UK.

I guess my facebook picture must make me look either stupid or gullible, both of which I am. But not stupid enough to think a golden hearted perfect bodied multilingual Russian stripper and dentist has fallen in love with me.

I’ve just remembered that when I was 13 I began corresponding with teenage girls in Finland. Quite quickly these letters turned into mutual filth and fantasy. One girl in particular seemed to chime with me and our letters were frequently ten or more pages long. Then, to my horror, I discovered she was being allowed to visit London for a week with a couple of older friends. She wanted me to meet her and have sex with her. When the day came to meet her, I set off to school as usual but stayed on the train and went into central London. We’d agreed to rendezvous outside a hotel in Green Park. I arrived early and stood some distance away. I was desperate to have sex and terrified. After an hour I saw the three girls. My god they were stunning; all blond, all beautiful, all in the miniest of mini-skirts newly acquired from Biba in Kensington.

I turned and made my way back to the tube station.

***

My last strained link to Russia and teenaging concerns communism and socialism. My early emotional fervour for the revolution was tempered by a visit to Communist Eastern Europe and Russia in 1967; nevertheless I have never been inclined to accept either the inevitability or the justice of global or social capitalism. In fact at times it seems incredible to me that the 99% allow the 1%, or the 80% allow the 20%, to get away with it. For this reason I have been delighted to read Peter Wilber’s book, ‘Deep Socialism, A New manifesto of Marxist Ethics and Economics’. I hope that with a little time I will be able to digest his ideas and communicate hthem accurately. Everything he writes is fascinating and relevant. Just this morning I was reading his chapter on ‘Currencies, Languages and the National ‘Ethos’ while on the news came the latest panic about the Euro. If only the world leaders would read the fucking book and do what he tells them to do. Mind you, it isn’t down the leaders is it? It’s our job.





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