Welcome to my blog which is having
some trouble with toothache, or rather, ache caused by lack of tooth. Taking
the tooth to the dentist is harder than it sounds and will probably be
unproductive. My dentist, who was old when I first started visiting him in
1982, is now even older and disinclined to retire because he has a wife at home
with Alzheimer’s who no longer knows who he is. Since 1982, my dentist has got
no better, even when we swopped from NHS non-treatment so some obscure
insurance plan, his dentistry remained kindly but inefficient. Eight years ago
I moved to another town some thirty miles away and breathed a sigh of relief,
only to discover that through the arcane rules of the insurance company it was
almost impossible to change dentist without paying over £100 in transfer
fees.
My suspicion is that my dentist is
well over 80 years old now. For the past 15 years, he has been regularly fixing
the same tooth by building up a pretend tooth on the small root that remains to
build on, or, as the dentist says, used to remain to build on. There’s nothing
there now, he says. So what is hurting? Could it be that his sight has gone and
he just can’t see it anymore? I’m taking painkillers – which I say I never do –
and am soaked in teething pain concoctions, none proving successful. I couldn’t
sleep last night and today each sip of tea inflames the pain. Ahead lies a day
of quietly moaning to myself. I suggest you don’t listen.
---
According to Robert Fritz, erstwhile
guru of this journal, the two keys to planning successfully are describing the
goal and then the current reality. I’m not quite sure whether the sickness in
my stomach is a correct response to my present situation, or the toothache or
hunger, but when I try to contemplate exactly where I stand in relation to
where I need to be, gloom and doubt arise. This week the facebook hits dribbled
down and no progress seemed to get made for all the huffing and puffing and
meeting and talking. Deadlines set three months ago pass by without anything
being done. Last Monday we highlighted three things that had to be done that
week; the printing of fliers for one of the gigs, the design of a new poster, and
a decision about the Art Exhibition. None of these happened.
There’s only six weeks to go now.
Maybe I should be doing something rather than sobbing into my computer. I’ve
been trying to pick-up my negative thoughts as I go along because otherwise
they settle in and put their feet up. This week I’ve had a familiar feeling
which carries with it a monologue about over-reaching myself; getting too excited
and going over the top, emotionally or financially. I feel like a drunk who
gradually recalls what he did the night before, the undying love he’d declared
or the fight he’d got into. I see myself walking the empty streets of Glastonbury
on nov 3rd with my friends and family feeling sorry and embarrassed for
me. There are worse things in the world than feeling squashed, of course, like
toothache, but I hate the bit where I have to pretend to myself that I wish I
hadn’t fucked up or got so carried away.
***
The radio is talking about the
situation in Libya. They seemed to have forgotten that the British and French sorted
it all out last year. Like they did in Afghanistan and Iraq. I bet the Syrians
can’t wait for our help. Here’s more guns than you can handle. Kill each other;
that will do the job.
***
How much sympathy do I have for
people feeling pissed off because their (imaginary) religious leader has been
insulted? Less than zero. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
***
Enough of me. Let’s try Einstein.
‘A human being is part of the whole
called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience
ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A
kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison
for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons
nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison…’
***
My tooth continues to throb. I’ve
felt fuck awful all day, lethargic and sick. (And yep, I do fuss, or would if
there were anyone here to fuss to.) I’ve sat all day in the kitchen, staring at
the computer and trying to write two press releases, one for the local paper,
another for the Bristol events magazine. Here’s how far I got with the local
paper one.
MEXICAN DAY OF THE DEAD COMES TO
GLASTONBURY.
On Saturday November 3rd Glastonbury
will host its own version of the annual Mexican festival of remembrance, called
the Day of the Dead.
Like its Mexican parent, the
Glastonbury day will include parties to honour loved ones, celebratory food,
mask, costume and memento making activities for all ages, candle-lit ceremonies
and vibrant procession. In addition, there will be a program of talks and
workshops, theatre, a kids program, cinema and an art exhibition.
Headlining the events which will take
place across Glastonbury will the UKs only authentic Mexican mariachi band,
MARIACHI MEXTECA; England’s most vibrant hip hop act, THE FOUR OWLS,
psychedelic masters FLIPRON and the amazing theatre group COPPERDOLLAR who will
lead the Remembrance Procession.
Although proud of the entertainment
available, co-organiser and retired bereavement counsellor, John Heston, is
keen to point out that the day has a serious purpose. ‘The Mexicans have a playful relationship
with death,’ he says, ‘and that makes it easier for them to help one another
through grief and terminal illness. Most of us avoid the subject and this makes
it more difficult to know what to do to help when we want to. This is why we have invited all those concerned
with bereavement to use this occasion to help the community know better what
they and we can do together to provide compassionate care for all those
affected by death and loss.'
As part of the free daytime program
at Tor Leisure, the Taboo Theatre Company will put on a performance of the play
‘Home Death’ by Nell Dunn. Afterwards there will be a discussion about this
vital topic led by the author who many will remember as the creator of ‘Up the
Junction’ and ‘Poor Cow’.
The Glastonbury Day of the Dead is
run by a Community Interest Company and relies on volunteers to do its work.
‘Of course we’d like funding and sponsorship,’ says John, ‘but we’re committed
to the project and have been inspired by the amount of assistance and advice we
have already received. By putting on a mixture of ticketed and free events, we
hope to cover our costs and set a standard for the future.’
Cover costs? No chance.
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